A saying that is used a lot in the battle with alcoholism and addiction is "The only way to win is to give in." There is no effective way to win the fight or the war until one admits it is un-winnable.
The harder I tried to change myself, the harder it became. It took a long time to realise that I was powerless to effect any change in myself. The reason it seems, is that the more I struggle against some problem the more power I give it, stemming a lot, I think, from convincing myself that something is wrong (and by implication, that I must be right). So when I stop resisting - accepting that this may not be wrong after all, the problem has less power.
And than I can relax. I can change or control so little in this world. The first change had to be acceptance of how powerless I was (am!). And I learned to give up fighting when I could see and accept it for the pointless activity it is.
Just as it's a mistake to try to fill the spiritual void in our lives with material things ... we cannot change our feelings by direct action. But I do take action, to try to develop a view the world that doesn't attach any importance to what is so that I grow to accept what comes and not struggle to change things.
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