A saying that is used a lot in the battle with alcoholism and addiction is "The only way to win is to give in." There is no effective way to win the fight or the war until one admits it is un-winnable.
The harder I tried to change myself, the harder it became. It took a long time to realise that I was powerless to effect any change in myself. The reason it seems, is that the more I struggle against some problem the more power I give it, stemming a lot, I think, from convincing myself that something is wrong (and by implication, that I must be right). So when I stop resisting - accepting that this may not be wrong after all, the problem has less power.
And than I can relax. I can change or control so little in this world. The first change had to be acceptance of how powerless I was (am!). And I learned to give up fighting when I could see and accept it for the pointless activity it is.
Just as it's a mistake to try to fill the spiritual void in our lives with material things ... we cannot change our feelings by direct action. But I do take action, to try to develop a view the world that doesn't attach any importance to what is so that I grow to accept what comes and not struggle to change things.
20 September 2011
18 September 2011
Stop struggling
Some time ago, it would have been possible to characterise me as being tense and irritable. Today, I can still become tense and irritable but it doesn't last. Before, I was prey to self-pity - in fact, my two instant reactions when things didn't go my way were either indignation or self-pity. Today I can still sit and feel sorry for myself, but it very quickly passes.
When I get the idea in my head that I shouldn't be this way, that I should be at peace - serene, if you like - I get attached to the idea that this peace or serenity is necessary in order to be happy. And this means, of course, that I am keeping myself separated from the happiness I desire. There are no circumstances I have found in which my happiness arises subject to any conditions.
So today, if I'm tense I just observe the tension in me. If, I'm irritable I look for what I have done to get that way. This way I don't get tense trying to relax. Through this practice I can begin to relax even though everything around me may be tense and I start to find peace even where there is noise outside. When I focus on being present I can accept what the world is going through at that time, what is happening around me.
A great Japanese saying applied to this kind of situation: "When you cease to travel, you will have arrived." When I stop struggling to achieve awareness it comes.
When I get the idea in my head that I shouldn't be this way, that I should be at peace - serene, if you like - I get attached to the idea that this peace or serenity is necessary in order to be happy. And this means, of course, that I am keeping myself separated from the happiness I desire. There are no circumstances I have found in which my happiness arises subject to any conditions.
So today, if I'm tense I just observe the tension in me. If, I'm irritable I look for what I have done to get that way. This way I don't get tense trying to relax. Through this practice I can begin to relax even though everything around me may be tense and I start to find peace even where there is noise outside. When I focus on being present I can accept what the world is going through at that time, what is happening around me.
A great Japanese saying applied to this kind of situation: "When you cease to travel, you will have arrived." When I stop struggling to achieve awareness it comes.
04 September 2011
Watching the thinker
A slightly different approach to observing ourselves is contained in Eckhart Tolle's instructions on freeing ourselves from our mind.
Most of us can relate to a voice that seems to be in our head (or several, if you're unlucky like me: I had a shitty committee in my head). At its worst it's something that Freud labelled the superego - a constant critical monologue. At best it may just be idle daydreaming, creating idealistic scenarios that we might be dropped into some time in the future. This voice is at its worst when it's critical but still pretty crippling when it's judging, complaining or comparing. At these times it separates us from reality. Worse still it keeps us detached from the present because it is always reviving the past or imagining the future.
This voice, however we label it, is a construct of our conditioned mind. It ensures that our view of the present is contaminated; it ceases to be real. It can then sometimes seem that the only role our present experience has is to increase the ammunition that the voice can call on to hobble us and keep us from the present moment.
The way to be free of the voice is to listen to it. Pay attention to what the voice is saying, especially where themes reappear. Avoid judgement at all costs - that's just the voice in a different guise - just be what Tolle calls a witnessing presence. The voice will quieten after a while and have less impact. And eventually you will become aware of something different, something new - that you are listening to this voice ... that you are "watching the thinker" and with that you will have an experience that comes from beyond the mind. You will have a degree of separation that will allow you to break free.
Most of us can relate to a voice that seems to be in our head (or several, if you're unlucky like me: I had a shitty committee in my head). At its worst it's something that Freud labelled the superego - a constant critical monologue. At best it may just be idle daydreaming, creating idealistic scenarios that we might be dropped into some time in the future. This voice is at its worst when it's critical but still pretty crippling when it's judging, complaining or comparing. At these times it separates us from reality. Worse still it keeps us detached from the present because it is always reviving the past or imagining the future.
This voice, however we label it, is a construct of our conditioned mind. It ensures that our view of the present is contaminated; it ceases to be real. It can then sometimes seem that the only role our present experience has is to increase the ammunition that the voice can call on to hobble us and keep us from the present moment.
The way to be free of the voice is to listen to it. Pay attention to what the voice is saying, especially where themes reappear. Avoid judgement at all costs - that's just the voice in a different guise - just be what Tolle calls a witnessing presence. The voice will quieten after a while and have less impact. And eventually you will become aware of something different, something new - that you are listening to this voice ... that you are "watching the thinker" and with that you will have an experience that comes from beyond the mind. You will have a degree of separation that will allow you to break free.
03 September 2011
One day at a time
The mantra of the twelve-step movement was the brunt of one of the (supposedly) funniest jokes at the 2011 Edinburgh festival: ‘People say, “I’m taking it one day at a time.” You know what? So is everybody. That’s how time works.’
That said, I love Joe Walsh's song One Day at a Time which, if you're not in AA, gives some insights. And if you are in AA it's probably better watched with tissues handy:
Well, time works moment by moment so that's how we should be taking it. But daily routines have been a significant factor in my spiritual development.
Now, many of us in twelve-step programmes rush to straighten everybody else out (thus avoiding looking at ourselves) and we seize the thought that the twelve steps will work for everybody. With such arrogant thoughts, it is encouraging to find aspects of the programme in other spiritual disciplines. In The Art of Happiness the Dalai Lama recommends a routine that is at the core of the twelve-step programme - a daily review. He suggests that, before bed, we review our day, asking whether we had used it as we planned. If we can say yes, then we can rejoice. If it went wrong, we can regret what we did and critique the day. He maintains that this method will strengthen the positive aspects of the mind.
It is significant that no specific action is recommended. His Holiness is suggesting observation, watching what we do. And with no specific proposal to make direct changes but rather noting that change will come over time.
You tube link (won't embed)
Well, time works moment by moment so that's how we should be taking it. But daily routines have been a significant factor in my spiritual development.
Now, many of us in twelve-step programmes rush to straighten everybody else out (thus avoiding looking at ourselves) and we seize the thought that the twelve steps will work for everybody. With such arrogant thoughts, it is encouraging to find aspects of the programme in other spiritual disciplines. In The Art of Happiness the Dalai Lama recommends a routine that is at the core of the twelve-step programme - a daily review. He suggests that, before bed, we review our day, asking whether we had used it as we planned. If we can say yes, then we can rejoice. If it went wrong, we can regret what we did and critique the day. He maintains that this method will strengthen the positive aspects of the mind.
It is significant that no specific action is recommended. His Holiness is suggesting observation, watching what we do. And with no specific proposal to make direct changes but rather noting that change will come over time.
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