Stop struggling

Some time ago, it would have been possible to characterise me as being tense and irritable. Today, I can still become tense and irritable but it doesn't last. Before, I was prey to self-pity - in fact, my two instant reactions when things didn't go my way were either indignation or self-pity. Today I can still sit and feel sorry for myself, but it very quickly passes.


When I get the idea in my head that I shouldn't be this way, that I should be at peace - serene, if you like - I get attached to the idea that this peace or serenity is necessary in order to be happy. And this means, of course, that I am keeping myself separated from the happiness I desire. There are no circumstances I have found in which my happiness arises subject to any conditions.


So today, if I'm tense I just observe the tension in me. If, I'm irritable I look for what I have done to get that way. This way I don't get tense trying to relax. Through this practice I can begin to relax even though everything around me may be tense and I start to find peace even where there is noise outside. When I focus on being present I can accept what the world is going through at that time, what is happening around me.


A great Japanese saying applied to this kind of situation: "When you cease to travel, you will have arrived." When I stop struggling to achieve awareness it comes.