Approval of others

I remember as a child finding my happiness in things that I have now discovered weren't good for me at all. I craved attention looked for appreciation and - by far worst of all - fought for approval. And I grew up, as many of us do, struggling to find these in any situation I was in. So I tried to be top of the class, get my name in the paper and was only content in my work when I was the boss. I chased prestige and power and I fantasised about fame.


To some extent, we are all guilty of looking for these things; and even if we don't, we can so easily be dreading its absence - in permanent fear of making mistakes, of being a failure or of being criticised.


As always, it pays to watch our feelings and behaviour when we encounter these negative situations. It shows us how we have become dependent on the opinions of others - whether we are looking for approval or avoiding disapproval. We are (in the phrase that neatly sums this up) "marching to the beat of another's drum."


Relying on others for support, encouragement or reassurance is a complete barrier to being awakened. With an awakened spirit, we come to realise that other's opinions of us have nothing to do with us. My well-being and happiness do not depend on what you think of me.


In trying to become independent of the opinions of others we soon become aware of our spiritual lack - of what I once heard brilliantly described as "that hole in me through which a cold wind blew." When we try to fill that void with something other than the good opinion of others, we too often turn in the wrong direction and look to the material world and acquire possessions to make us feel better about ourselves. 


All of which leads to inner conflict and somebody reminded me the other day that this is what separates us from the animal world. They do not have inner conflict; they might have fear but it will be about the situation they may be in. And they won't think about this - no rationalisation or analysis. And, most of all, animals don't lie around condemning themselves or feeling guilty. They just ARE.